D.Grayman is Back!??!?!
I know that I can be quite slow when it comes to anime info but! At least in the end, in one way or another, I'll still find out!
So recently, I heard that D.grayman is coming back with a new anime series. It's going to be sequel to all the other seasons which means that this will land us right into the Alma arc. Argh >< one of the most painful arcs to read through, mainly because of all the angst and pain. Like really, I don't even know if it's a good thing or not. Plus there was that art style shift in the middle of the Alma arc... I wonder what are the animators going to do about that since it would be strange if they suddenly change the style halfway through. I remember it being to period where I was guessing which one was Allen and which one was Alma without looking at the scar. I guess there's enough material from the manga for them to finish one season but soon enough it will catch up with the manga. Now that the manga is on quarterly release... (someone save my heart... monthly was hard enough to deal with... now we have things coming out quarterly T.T) Well then again nothing will be as bad as waiting years till the next chapter is out. Or rather wondering if the manga is going to be cancel and that I'll never get to see how the ending of dgm will be like.

Speaking about the manga though, it seems like the date for the release of a new chapter is coming up really soon! Last chapter really gave us a lot to think about... Now that everything is so messy already, I really don't know how the series can continue to an ending. Like things are in so deep that I really don't see how they can tie up everything. And there's one thing for sure which is that it's probably not going to be a happy ending, maybe not even a bittersweet one. Just that everything is messed up! And Lavi is still missing... Everyone out of the main 4 had gotten their own backstory... it's about time that Lavi has a go right? Well then again, Lavi did had his turn during the Ark arc so maybe that's all that we will get. But seriously though, I just want to know where Lavi is... after not seeing him for so long.

For this new anime, it seems like they will be changing voice actors for Allen. Not that I was particularly attached to the previous voice actor that did Allen's voice, but that it's Hinata's voice actor from Haikyuu!! Hahaha I probably didn't mention how crazy I'm about Haikyuu!! right now. I'm like so so deep into the series I think I need maybe till the end of the 2nd season of the anime for me to be calm about it, which is not anytime soon. Haikyuu!! literally had me searching through websites after websites looking for more content to read. It hads been a while since I got so hooked onto anything. I really hope that Murase Ayumu will do a good job for D.grayman though. But then again I might not be able to deal with the feels when the scenes are animated... all that pain is going to be animated... damn all that

As the wind gets colder
In a blink of the eye, autumn is already here. I can feel it. The wind is colder and my feets tends to feel like a popsicle! Being in Korea, away from my family and friends, I really think that I grew up quite a bit here.

Even though there might still be problems, I have the time and the will to slowly try and work things out. I'm glad that things turned out this way. It the way of the world that you can't please everyone but I have to learn it for myself. There are so many things that I thought I knew but that was just all in my brain. What I thought I knew and when the incident actually happens to you is toatally different. I keep on telling myself that it's normal and that people can be like that sometimes but it does not change the fact that it still hurts. I think that through this I've learnt how to deal with my emotions better.

Because of this incident that I had to deal with here in Korea away from people that I'm familiar with, I think I've started to appreciate the friends that I managed to have over the years back in Singapore. It probably has something to do with the fact that I have a very low self-esteem that negative thought just seems to crowd out my thoughts. For some reason or another, I have managed to convience myself that my friends are temporary and they will not be there for me when I need them the most. And through this trip I realised that I have people in my life who will stay with me no matter what. For that, I super grateful. I think here in Korea, I've became more in touch with the emotions that I have. I used to say that my emtions feel like they are locked in the depths of my heart and I can't seem to understand them at all.

I think as time passes, things tend to mean less to you. Nothing will be there forever. If there is something that is bothering you now, there must be something that you can do to make sure that it will have less of an impact on you. If you try there will be a way and remember that actions takes time to have their effects. Be patient and you might be rewarded.

It doesn't matter - Sueyoshi Shuuta (愛してるのに、愛せない fanfic)
Haha I'm taking a long time for this but well at least my still writing bit by bit! I hope the next few stories will come out quick. This is one of the ideas that I liked the most though. The scene in the mv left a rather big impression on me!

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Start of something new!
I've just reached Korea! Can't believe that I'm finally here after so much planning. I hope that everything will go well and we will enjoy all the little things that we get to experience here!

Tomorrow is the orientation day! And time to meet my new buddy! Hope I get someone that I can get along with~

Gone like the wind (Atae Shinjirou) - 愛してるのに、愛せない
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The new AAA mv is too good! Haha I'm a sucker for angst and this hits me right in the gut. All the member's acting are so good. I was so shocked to see that tear from Shinjirou though! I'm planning to write for all 7 members be sure to look out for it!

A place that I belong to
I think I've always been finding a place that belongs to me. Somewhere in this world where I can truly say that I can be whatever I want to be and no one will judge me for it. I can be the awkward turtle that I am and people will accept that of me. I wonder if it is possible for me to actually find that place.

Today, I made the worst choice possible. And this is not the first time in committing that kind of mistake. I really should have know better. But I was on the high of nbscommoners and I didn't quite get down from it when I planned the surprise. It sometimes slip my mind that I'm not the same in jc as I am in uni. I guess the only difference is that I allow people closer now. Not as close as other people can allow but closer than what I ever had before. It's strangely liberating and intimidating at the same time.

With my uni friends, I don't know if I show a different side but I know that I feel different. There can be silence when no one talks at all but we will be comfortable in that silence. I can freely make conversations with almost everyone. But with the jc class, things are pretty different. I don't really know how to say it...

I wonder if I can ever feel completely comfortable around them. I would really like to, but I'm not sure how I should go about doing this. Maybe I'll find out with time.

Familiar places with strangers

It wasn't too long ago when we parted. It doesn't make any sense that I see images of you everywhere especially when there is no way you could be here with me. Expecting to see the same few faces when I turn the corner, finding 'you' in the crowd. My mind fooled me into thinking that where I am now is where I was. I had to keep on reminding myself, that those times were over and now is the start of a new life. And that pushed my morale to a new low. Meeting up with you all doesn't even help.... it just feels like everyone is moving on and I'm the only stuck in the past.

when the sun is down

When the sun is down, it is unbearably cold.

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I know I'm crazy writing this post so late at night. It's just that there are so many thoughts in my head now that even if I try to calm down it will not work. There is really always this fear in me. I know that it is something very real and could happen anytime anywhere. I just didn't think that it would disturb me so much. If being awake at 3 plus in the morning is anything indicative to go by.
There was a time really when I thought that it could really work. All of us being as connected to one as to the others. I thought there were promises to keep it that way forever (then again, nothing was forever). I saw how it changed or rather how nothing changed. Then, I knew. It was just a matter of deceiving myself. We were not all as close as I'd like to think we are.
Don't even try to explain.
Is there a reason why? Why you choose to try and maintain the facade that we are good friends? The cracks have always been there. I don't even know if your ignorance is due to plain lack of sensitivity or you just don't a damn that people are left out. Haha this sounds like I just got angry and just decide to lash out at everyone and anyone possible, isn't it? I don't know if you know this is what you are making me feel but these are my honest emotions.
You all make me feel left out.
I just keep on telling myself that you all don't mean to make me feel that was, it just happened. Once or twice, I would have believed that it is true. But, no, this has been happening for a year or so. And if it is not for another friend who pointed out to me, I would have just let myself ignore this feeling. (Somehow I think if I ever get a boyfriend, I would never know if he is cheating on me or not) What are friends? I have been asking myself that for a very long time. Somehow everyone when I think I've gotten it, the definition of friendship shifted and changed.
So really, what doesn't this all mean?
Does it mean that my feelings were right? I never had a place in this group that I thought I belonged. And you all are just trying to forget that I exist. Because it is better for your heart to know that it was not you cutting me loose from the group but it was the distance that you put between us that caused us to drift apart. And that this way no one could blame the other for this accident that happened. Little did you you know of the emotion ride that you've sent me on. One that kept me guessing each and every turn.
If that is that case, then just tell me straight in the face. I promise that I will not blame you.
Sigh. After such a long rant, I supposed nothing would change. I would continued to be ignored if possible and we continue to be a group of really tight friends. (Even if you don't treat me as a good friends, I would because I care. If that mean anything at all)

Part time

"So this document is for...." I resisted the urge to close my eyes and then my head away from her.


Even though I know that I'm relatively new to the company, it is not as if today was the first day of work. It was comforting at first that I had someone to teached me and guide me along when I'm new to the place. After a few more times, though, it began to grate on my nerves. I have been seeing the same few documents from the start of the short few month that I have been with the company on a daily basis. As much as I wouldn't claim that I know what to do with every single document that comes my way, I'm perfectly capable of handling most of the day to day documents. Nowadays I have taken up the habit of letting my mind wonder while just murmured an occasional sounds of acknowledgment at appropriate moments.


It's as if I'm being treated like a little kid... irri...


Before I could finish my train of thought, I heard her finish her hourly [(?) Goodness knows how often she visits my desk in a day!] brief with her trademark "Thank you". The seemingly forced cheer in her voice caused me to cringe subconsciously. The only response that I could think of was a short nod of my head. It was kind of amazing how such simple words of thanks was about to bring out such a reaction from me.


Staring at her back walking away from my desk, I couldn't help the soft sigh that escaped my lips. It was just as my other colleagues say, there is just something about her presence that would create inexplicable pressure on others.


It was not often that I have a bad opinion of people. I pride myself for being someone with a lot of patience. However even for me, it seems like my well of patience is not deep enough for her.


Thinking back, I am not sure what makes me few this way. Despite all the accounts of her being mean to others, she is nice and kind to me. If you ask me, I would describe her kindness as one that you would expect from a possessivly protective parent to her only child. The amount of leeway and freedom that she would allow me is ridiculous. I'm sure that if I told her I would like to take 2 weeks off for vacation, she wouldn't even bat her eyelids and wish me happy vacation with her sickenly sweet voice.


And all these doesn't quite explain why I didn't like her. She is nice to me and I don't think anyone would complain about people being nice. In fact, I like nice people but it is just different with her. Perhaps it was the way that she visits my desk every so often, or the way that she seems to tiptoed around me to make sure that I don't die with the amount of work (which is really nothing much) that she gives me, or how she seems to think that I'm made of glass.


Out of the corners of my eye, I spotted a figure walking towards me. Out of some reflex, I turned my attention toward the figure expecting her to appear in my line vision. Turns out I was wrong and had succeeded in scaring another colleague who just wanted to get some clear folders from my table. I felt my tension immediately melt away.


One cannot blame me, as I was the one who somehow always manages to be there when she flares out at others. In the face of someone was unpredictable like the weather, anyone would be tensed. Probably that was the reason as to why I felt uneasy. Her kindness towards me felt like a temporary truce. It was as if she could turn back any moment and snap at me. I would even go as much as to say that her kindness felt faked. Every smile, every 'thank you' never did sound genuine to me.


Bad thoughts... it should be about time I start on my work...as much as it is boring...


I reached over to the small stack of documents and started the mundane process of registering the documents. Focused on my job, I failed to notice the person walking towards my desk. Before I knew it, I heard her softly called my name in that sickenly sweet voice that is impossible to forgot. I resisted the urge to facepalm. With a mental sigh, I turned with a small forced smile.





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