blueramel (blueramel) wrote,
blueramel
blueramel

Gone like the wind (Atae Shinjirou) - 愛してるのに、愛せない

It has been weeks since he swore that he would never see her again. Like a curse, he keeps on finding his thoughts reeling back to her. It was almost mocking when all that he was trying to do is to push her out of his mind. The irony when his heart to hurting all he could think about is how she used to pat his back gently asking if everything was alright. When she was the one that cause that gaping hole in his heart in the first place. There were just too many accidental memories scattered all over this town where they had lived together. There was just no where that he could run to.

Recently as he gave up suppressing the roaring waves of sadness (there was no point in running away, his heart will not let him), he find himself walking back to the place where it all ended. It was an apartment that they used to live together in. Back in the days, they had fell in love with the slightly antiqued look of the building and flat had and decided to rent it at the spur of the moment. Of course now, it was just a place of the past to him. Perhaps the most painful place of the past. The rustic metal grills that separates the lobby from the passageway to the lifts that they used to adore is now a painful memory.

The autumn wind chilled the building, giving him shivers. He felt that this was the breaking point. It's too much to bare; the coldness and emptiness. Placing his hand on the metal grills, feeling the coldness seep into his bones. The heavy coat around his shoulders did nothing to help his shivers. The cold was penetrating and persistent. This place was driving him mad but there was no where else that he wanted to be. His mind was conjuring tricks to pull him deeper into his memories as he felt the ghosting of her fingers through the grills.

The day when she left this very building was where she lured him into. On hindsight, he should have seen it coming. She was picking fights with him for no reason, wanting to move out of the every flat that they rented. Purposefully putting distance between them as the days go by. Then, she asked for meet up. His naiveness convinced him that this was a make up not a break up. And there he found her standing on the other side of the grills, saying her 'sorry's and goodbye, as if to prove that they are different and never meant to be.

That day, after saying what she meant to say, she left without turning back. She left him there, trapped behind the grills, banging on them until his hands were sore. Honestly deep in his heart, he knew that there was no way she would turn back.

Her voice echoed his ears like broken record. "Don't fall for me! I'm like the wind, never to settle." First he imagined her touch and now even her voice is taunting him. He should have heed the warning when she said it the first time they met. All he would think about was how striking she was and then those thoughts transformed to how much he loved her.

"Love her...." Those words fell from his lips like curse that he set on himself. Suddenly he lost the strength in his legs as the memories threaten to drown him alive. Now all he's left with is a broken heart and her lingering teasing voice. This is growing too much as for the first time in weeks, he let his tears run free. The pain is here to stay and there's no other way because he still loved her even though he couldn't and probably shouldn't.


The new AAA mv is too good! Haha I'm a sucker for angst and this hits me right in the gut. All the member's acting are so good. I was so shocked to see that tear from Shinjirou though! I'm planning to write for all 7 members be sure to look out for it!
Tags: aaa, aisenai, aishiteru no ni, angst, atae shinjirou, fanfic, fanfiction
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