blueramel (blueramel) wrote,

when the sun is down

When the sun is down, it is unbearably cold.

I had made it a habit to go on alone.
I had brainwashed myself that I don't need to have others around me.
I thought I would be fine, what a fine mistake I made.
Once the wall is up, I don't have the strength to take it down anymore.
I thought I knew what it means to be alone.
Sitting in a cold empty room, I realised how wrong I was.
I didn't expect the chill from deep within my heart, nor did I expect the darkness of my thoughts.
The incessant chatter in my head refused to stop.
Try as it would, the room remains empty while my head begin to fill.
I opened my mouth and began to sing, in hopes a song could drive off the cold.
Out came sad melodies together with a stronger urge to curl up in bed.
Pitter, patter.
It was drizzling outside.
The rain made its invitation of a "warm" embrace.
I had no reason to refuse.
Urged by a pulling restlessness, I stepped from the cold into the colder.
Relishing in the new sensation, other than emptiness, it does not matter that I'm getting drenched.
The cold rain drops on my skin reassures me that my senses are not numb yet.
That I could still feel.
Sitting in a patch of grass, I let the scent of grass and moisture overrun me.
Soon, I know, the rain would stop.
Soon I would have to fix that smile upon my face and life goes on.
I have a long enough day ahead before the chill sets in again.
Long enough to forget that it would be cold when the sun is down.
Tags: personal, prose, real life
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